As I write this, I am waiting for a phone call from a doctor who will tell me if I have cancer, as my grandmother, mother and two aunts did. I likely will have to wait another 24 hours or so for the verdict to be handed down, so inevitably, I am reflective. (Yet, eerily calm.)
When something like this happens - or even might be happening - you of course think about the things you still want to do. When I was in college, I used to dream of being President/CEO of a huge agency. Whatever. I couldn't care less about that now. Once I grew up (well after college) I used to dream of having a family. And lo and behold, two days ago I was with my beautiful son when he took his first boat ride, took his first JetSki ride, and proudly caught his first fish. And I was enjoying the beautiful peace of floating in a chilly Minnesota lake. So here I am at 40. And my only goal that truly matters is to see all of my son's "firsts", whether it's his geeky state quarter collection that we made last night, his first day of school, his first geeky science project, or his first child.
Sure, sure. I still have professional goals. Professionally, I'd like to find the time to make my blog better and therefore more widely read. I'm really looking forward to some speaking engagements that I have coming up. I'd like to be much more knowledgeable about web analytics, which I am working on. And I'd quite like our agency to earn a big African chocolate account, the Specialized Bikes account and New Zealand tourism. Among other things. But really, none of that stuff is going on my gravestone, whether that gravestone happens tomorrow, next year or 60 years from now. All it needs to say is that I was a good Mom, Wife, Friend, Daughter, Aunt and Sister, and that I lived life fully.
Are you working more than you really need to? Tweeting with one hand on a Sunday morning while you halfway listen to what your kid is saying? Is it really worth it? Is it still going to be worth it if, God forbid, the call comes some Wednesday afternoon that you have cancer? With all due respect to those who so aggressively throw themselves into blogging, speaking, etc...I am not knocking professional passion. I just don't personally think it's worth making work the centerpiece of your existence. Different strokes for different folks, and all.
I don't mean to sound preachy here. And I have beaten this drum before. But seriously, I am asking you to think about this: Are you LIVING loudly enough?
Epilogue: I learned last night that I do NOT have cancer. And I am so grateful.